Transcribed from a talk on November 20, 2011
You have to look deeper than this. Now this was a question raised by a very advanced sadhaka who was established in the Now, the present state and he said, “Why do I have to inquire what this awareness is? This is it. Why do I have to inquire about this? Why do I have to go deeper into what that awareness is? Because where I am (in the NOW) it is so comforting; it is so soothing for me.”
So let us suppose that you have been thrown out of your house; some thieves, some burglars or miscreants have thrown you out of your house. And one of your friends asks you to stay at his place for a few days. “Come and stay with me. I will give you food, I will give you shelter; I will give you everything that you want. Come, don’t be worried.”
Does that mean that the house belongs to you now? Obviously not. He has only given you temporary shelter in that house. At a given day he will politely ask you to leave, and if you are shameless then he will even throw you out of the house. So you have to leave his house.
He is a good friend this Now, this Present; he has asked you to stay at his place. But on a given day you still have to go.
You don’t have to search for your home. You know the home, it belongs there; so searching is not important. You have to reclaim your house, and the Present or the Now cannot help you with that. The Now can only give you shelter for some days, and then, out! And then what happens when you are out? When you are out of your house, there is no more happiness, there is no more joy; there is struggle, there is pain. The comfort is gone. You will again go to your friend’s house, he will again let you stay there for a few days and then he will say, “Look, please, it’s time that you move away now, go to some other place.” And this journey will continue.
What I mean to say is that you have to go deeper than the Present because you have to reclaim that home from those miscreants. You have to throw the miscreants out of that house and be in that house – your real house!
So who are those miscreants or robbers? These thieves, who are they?
They are your vasanas – the inherent tendencies that are there, which are kept in your home – they are living there. They don’t allow you to come in your home. And you have to throw them out!
How do you do that? The Present is not the solution. To be in the Now is a very temporary solution.
I have to do what I always do. I have to LOOK! That’s all. What did I do when I was in the present? I was looking. What did I see? I saw that a particular thought has come, arisen and it has fallen. I am there before the thought was there and I am there after the thought is there. So what have I done in Self Inquiry? What have I actually done?
I am there when the thought arose, means, I was there when the origin of thought began – the ORIGIN – I was at the very root of the thought when it started to take place; that awareness was there. Similarly when my emotion came out, any emotion, I could recognize an awareness prior to that emotion arising, which means I was there at the origin of that emotion – the starting point.
So Self Inquiry is just being at the Origin – that’s all, at the starting point! The moment you are there at the starting point, even if the movement has taken place, it has no power over you, remember. There is a saying in the English language, ‘Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer.’ So, the thoughts, the emotions, vasana, the ego, all are your enemies. So watch the movement of your enemies and you can easily go for the kill. So you can easily sort thought out, and emotion too – in your present state – by watching the origin and the end of it. Just being at the origin has resolved it.
But the vasana’s origin is not in the present. The vasanas originate from a deeper level. So how can the present provide a solution for the vasanas? How? The seeds of the vasanas are lying in my deeper states which we call the causal body – which is beyond the gross, subtle bodies – there lies the causal body. I have to actually go there and see.
It is no use… you see the vasana’s seeds are laid there and it takes the form of a tree. There is no point cutting the tree if the seed is there. You can cut the tree in the present – the branches; but the seeds are there, the roots are there. I have to uproot it completely for the vasanas to end.
As I mentioned many times Self Inquiry is just going to the ORIGIN and looking there; not looking for – just looking! If you look at it – the entire movement – the problem is solved. I have to see the movement of my enemy. If I can predict the movement of my enemy, how easy it is for me to kill that enemy. If I know how the enemy walks, where he walks, where exactly he moves and where he retires, I can easily kill him. I have to only study his entire movements. But if I don’t know where he is, where he comes from and goes, how can I tackle him?
So, I have to see where it originates from – where the seeds are kept, how it is growing into a tree and manifesting itself. And then, at the right opportunity I have to take it out.
Now, there are so many vasanas. Does it mean I have to kill each of them individually? That solution also Self Inquiry provides. You don’t have to kill each and every one. Kill the leader! Automatically all others will go. So who is the leader of the vasanas? The ego. The I-thought. The moment the I-thought arises, the vasanas come with it.
So now, again applying the rule of Self Inquiry, what do I have to do? Go to the origin from where the I-thought has arisen. The moment I see that the I-thought has arisen from here and my awareness is before it, finish! End of story, end of that vasana. The entire clan of vasanas are gone. Kill the King and everything else is over! You’ve played chess? Everybody must have played chess. You kill the King, it’s over! Just kill the King!
So where does my I-thought arise from? Where does it arise from? It is not available in the present; it is not available in the astral, that is, the subtle body. I go to my causal body, see whether it arises there. I have to go beyond my causal body and see that it arises from there. This is how deep I have to go.
Now again I am saying you don’t have to search for it. You don’t have to search for home; you already know where your home is. You are not searching for your home. All you are doing is taking those robbers out and entering. And that will happen automatically as your looking matures and deepens. It requires a completely uninvolved, dispassionate and brilliant mind to do so. The Now prepares you for deeper looking. So intense looking is much needed but remember, it is not a search. A search is contaminated by mind; real ‘looking’ starts from the mind but transforms into manifesting from a state of Consciousness deeper than
mind can ever comprehend.
And once you are home, you are at complete ease and comfort, like how you are when you are at home. The home doesn’t think who you are; it doesn’t give you any labels; you are comfortable, absolutely in peace only at home. It gives you shelter whether you are a saint or sinner, rich or poor. It entertains no concepts of the outside world. It only provides deep rest. Nowhere else can you get that peace and happiness. Even if you stay at a friends place you cannot say that you are happy there forever. It is only the home that provides me complete security.
And that security which I talk about, the Masters talk about is the SELF. But the entry into that home cannot happen unless there are underlying vasanas. Understand this. You have to reclaim it.
And you cannot do it alone. Because that would mean your ego is still there. So when you go very deep, your Guru in subtle form will meet you there too. That is why surrender is needed. He alone will dissolve your ego, he alone will dissolve your mind and throw the vasanas out from your kingdom. You have only one choice – Looking with a sense of deep love and surrender.
~ Rajiv Kapur